Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Opening Night

It's opening night for my high school show. I should be feeling happy and excited. Instead, I want to just stay in bed. I think the show is okay, pretty good, excellent, really for what I started with and how it's turned out. But that's what I think.

But the people around me--the ones I count on for advice and support, the ones whose opinions I trust--they have nothing good to say about it. I guess I started that. I was so discouraged. I'd like to change my tune a little now and offer something positive to my actors. Lord knows for all the notes and criticism I've given them, they deserve it.

For some of them, tonight is their very first opening night. Exciting, wonderful. a THRILLING feeling. I feel sad that I don't feel happier. Feel like I've failed everyone involved. Feel like I've failed them for not loving them more. Failed them for leaving so much of the details (that may or may not get done at this late minute) up to others. Failed them for...for...caring too much? It's the caring too much that makes me cry when I get frustrated. I know they give that a negative interpretation...but I can't help it.

Well...let's see what the evening brings...
Break a leg, everyone.

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